SELF-REALIZATION OF NURUL HAQUE AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

“As far as I have heard about some tortures like scolding and beating, I think most of us do these…and it's not like I have never done these before, even I was a very ill-tempered man. After being a Change Maker I realized that it is unjust to scold someone every time. Does any result come out by scolding?…….so, if we can stay away from such practices then at least we will have peace in our family life.” Nurul Haque is a resident of Basudebpur village of Chirirbandar Upazilla, Dinajpur. He is a sharecropper. He is also a part-time electrician. A father of four children, Nurul married in 1975. He was only 18 at that time and his wife was only 16. After 37 years of conjugal life, when he looks back he could _nd two different Nurul. A short-tempered Nurul during the _rst 30 years of their marital life - who did not consider his wife an equal human-being and scolded her often. He is now a new Nurul - during the last seven years who emerged from self-realization and has been a vocal and active person protesting against domestic violence. How did it happen? How did he realize at such an age that he needed to change? Nurul has been a member of a micro-credit group of Polli Sree for last 12 years. Some meetings of this organization were held at his backyard. Eight years ago, he observed that the Apas of Polli Sree were counselling about violence against women. He was a bit irritated. He thought, “They are talking nonsense. It is very natural that there will some arguments, quarrels and _ghting between a husband and wife. Who cares?” He often made fun of them – “You talk so much about violence against women; what about violence against men?” At that time Apas from Polli Sree invited him at their of_ce. Listening to the discussions at those meetings, he realized his longstanding beliefs might be incorrect. He was not exactly sure who is a Change Maker but he enlisted himself – “….. I told them to enlist me, I will attend. Then they trained me, gave me the lea_ets. I read them. I received several other trainings, listen to the arguments. I never heard these words”. Nurul realized through the trainings, lea_ets, discussions at the meetings. That the domestic violence incidents, which were very normal to him earlier, are not correct. He confessed – “The forms of verbal and physical abuses which I came to know, we, the males, always perform those…. I, myself did those many times. I was an angry person. I thought scolding women all the time was not right thing to do. They are not right because no one bene_ts from those… so if we can avoid them there will be peace in our domestic life.” This new realization brought changes in him. It is not right that now he does not feel angry towards his wife and children. But he tries to control himself… “I am a man you know. I have my tensions. If I say I do not become angry any more, I will by lying. But I try not to scold or shout, I perhaps go outside my house, and come back when I feel better. Perhaps I watch television. … but now my anger is much under control”. After becoming a Change Maker, he now advocates on preventing domestic violence. He strongly believes, now no one in his neighbourhood can beat his wife. They are conscious of the fact that if Nurul knows about these incidents he will resist. Besides his personal initiative and activities around domestic violence, he is also involved in the organizing role of WE CAN Alliances against domestic violence. At present, he is a Vice-President of Chirirbandar Upazilla Committee. There are 25 members in that committee. During last few years, they have settled many cases of domestic violence in the area. In some cases, they had to _le cases to the police.